


Gay Farmers, so very alone

by DisgustingDragonageFans



Category: Dragon Age
Genre: 'straight boys', Cullen Ruhterford, Dragon Age - Freeform, Dragon Age Inquisition, Farmland AU, Fishing, Gay, M/M, The Iron Bull - Freeform, dorian pavus - Freeform, farm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-22
Updated: 2015-05-28
Packaged: 2018-03-31 18:29:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3988300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DisgustingDragonageFans/pseuds/DisgustingDragonageFans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dorian is an farmer. He's sad, because he's very alone. He thinks about.. his bull, called 'The Iron Bull'. is this going to be a romance? Or does he suppress his feelings for the stong animal? You'll see.<br/>(That's not a serious fanfic. It's based on an headcanon and tumblr pictures. Don't hate it, it's just fun guys. ♥)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. ... so sehr allein...

It was a beautiful Sunday morning, as Dorian, the owner of an award-winning farm wake up. He stretched himself, after he'd sat up and looked beside him, on the other place of his double bed. The red velvet was empty, like almost every morning. The gay farmer was so terribly alone. He'd looking for a suitable partner for a long time. He had searched the internet and he even called the german TV show Farmer Wants a Wife, or at Farmer Wants a man, but to long his dream man stayed missing. He tortured himself to get up. First he looked at himself in the mirror. His hair was dark and wild. In his eyes, that was terrible. He ran his fingers through the scattered hair, straightened it a bit. A sigh slipped out of his dry throat, before he left the finely furnished bedroom to go to the bathroom.

Once there, he took a long shower, he dried himself and brushed his black hair. He put a little wax to his hair, straightened it before he took care of his fancy mustache. Again he looked at himself in the mirror. "What a beautiful man you are!" He said to himself, before he left the room. He went to the kitchen to prepare breakfast for himself. Eggs from Vivienne - his best hen. Her eggs were the best eggs, XL they were, 'Extra Large'. And so damn delicious! Each week she brought him 7-9 eggs. She was great, even if she was sometimes a stupid, stupid cow. Haha, 'cow'. In any case, the sexy sigle farmer sat down on his white table, ate his eggs on fine porcelain and with silver cutlery, of course. Today the eggs were especially tasty! He also drank coffee with caramel syrup. Of course, only the best for him. He glanced at his calendar, today was the twenty-second in May "Oh, maker!" He shouted, and spat out the half egg. Today was a special day! Today is the day of days. A man wanted to visit him today, he wanted to let his cow get fertilized.

Dorian had the best breeding bull throughout Thedas. 'The Iron Bull, they called him. The bull was enormous, he was huge, strong and well-equipped, Dorian thought. He was known to witness the best calves that could be found throughout Thedas. And he brought a Dorian a lots of money. The farmer put his dishes in the sink, tug at his denim dungarees from Levi's and his red-checkered shirt from Gucci, pulled on his black Gucci hat and went outside.

The sun was shining brightly on the sky. It was now eleven o'clock. The man wanted to be here around twelve. Well, Dorian thought, then I'll prepare the Bull for his cow! He made his way to the pasture on which his Bull  could be anytime, day and night, summer and winter. "Woof Woof!" he heard from behind. Dorian turned around. "Well, good morning, my friend!" he said, stroking the long-haired, black terrier. "Woof!" the dog made again. "Are you hungry, Blackwall?" he asked the dog, which was barking again and then looked at him as if he wanted to say yes. "Well, then I'll give you your breakfast." The farmer went back into the house, opened a can of dog food and gave this into the wooden food bowl, which was outside of the doghouse at which hung a self-carved sign, on which was written 'BLACKWALL' in big letters.  The dog ate, and Dorian went back to the pasture, where he saw him. The Iron Bull. There he stood, the gray bull was grazing happily. "Come here, my big boy!" Dorian shouted across the pasture. The Bull looked up. "Mooooh." he said and trotted slowly toward the man. His testicles jiggled back and forth when he approached the farmer. "Yes fine!" Dorian said, stroking his bull's horns. At that moment, as the Bull pressed his strong head against him, Dorian had an idea. What if he'd test the quality of his breeding bull? After all, it wouldn't be different than if a farmer who'd test the raw milk a cow, he thought. He should know what his bull can. "Oh baby, we will have fun .."

Just at that moment, when he began to stroke the head of his bull, he heard footsteps behind him. He turned and looked directly into the face of a young, attractive man. "Howdy! You have to be Dorian! The famous Dorian! And that's certainly the Iron Bull," the man said and pulled at his strawhat as if he wanted to say 'hello', before he stared hungrily at the award-winning bull. Bah, thought Dorian, what a cheap straw hat! In addition, he shouldn't look at his bull like this! It was his bull! But actually, he man looked okay. Blond hair and brown eyes, actually totally Dorian's type! "Yes, I am. I'm sure you're Casper.", He said, eyed the beautiful man suspiciously. "Cullen". The blonde cleared his throat and looked into the eyes of the dark-haired, or at his mustache. What a beautiful part, Cullen thought. "Yeah, Whatever. You're here because of me." Dorian said. "I meant for him." he corrected himself, he sounded dreamy, as he stroked the head of the bull. The Bull made moo again, and pooped on the floor. "He is so majestic." said Dorian swarming. "Ehh. Yes, surely." Cullen said.

 

Cullen thought that Dorian was strange. "I'm here because of my cow, Isabela." he said, smiling, before he turned and stroked the back of a black cow. Isabela was a nice name for a cow. "Muuuuuh." Isabela said. In her eyes was a rebellious look. She shuddered and glanced at the Bull who wiggled his eyebrows as she looked at him. "Moooh, Mooh" he said. "Moohoh." "Muh muh", Isabela replied, "Muh muh."

 

"The two seem to get along," said Cullen and smiled friendly, but Dorian was shocked. Did this cow just said 'MUH' to his bull? That wasn'tright! He was his bull! "I think so," Dorian said and you could hear it clearly, he was stunned by these words. What a stupid cow! Haha, 'cow'. "Let's leave those two alone and go into the house?" the attractive Cullen asked the beautiful Dorian, who grudgingly said yes. He opened the gate to the pasture and let Cullen lead his cow to the pasture, and before he'd closed the door again, the Bull jumped on Isabelas back. "Muuuuuh!" cried Isabela, she cried with happiness. Dorian rolled his eyes. What an arrogant snipe! He quickly went inside the farmer house with Cullen. 

 

Once inside he made cheap drip coffee for Cullen, and for himself, again finest, imported coffee with caramel syrup. The two men talked, even though it was hard, because Isabela groaned so loudly. "And you live alone here?" Asked the blond man carefully. "No, I'm hiding twenty lovers in my closet." he said, rolling his eyes. "Of course, I live alone!" Oho, Dorian was bitchy. The blonde blushed a little, cleared his throat again. "I-i'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked." he said. "I'm really sorry.". Dorian looked at the man. Actually, he was really quite cute! "What about you?" He asked the other. "What do you do? Do you live alone?" "Yeah, well, I breed horses! And most recently, I also try myself in cattle breeding." He smiled, proud of what he'd achieved so far. "And .. I live alone .. Yes." he added. "Aha." Dorian, the tried to act disinterested.

 

The two men talked for a while. Cullen told him about his life on the Templar-Ranch in the north of Thedas and how hard it was there, really hard, because his trainer always wanted to play catch with him. From behind. Well anyway, Dorian looked outside and watched how his bull took Isabela. Hard and thats what he wanted too! He was so jealous! If he could, he'd make a steak out of Isabela! He sighed loudly and relieved when he saw that Isabela and his bull finally stopped. FINALLY. Isabela and the Iron Bull were lying on the grass and smoking. That was what the Bull always did. He was a heavy smoker. "Oh, I see they're done!" Said Cullen and rose. He went to the door, where Dorian looked at his butt inconspicuous. What a nice ass in those cheap leather pants! What a waste! "well, I'll go then." he said, smiling, cute, shy. "I'll take you out." Dorian added.

 

The men went outside, where Isabela and the Bull were talking. The two talked about having a date soon. What the fuck! That was his bull! "Come on, Isabela," Cullen said, pulling his cow from the pasture. "Muhmuh" she said, "muhmuh."

 

The Bull nodded and Cullen said goodbye to Dorian. As far as well. Dorian stroked the forehead of his bull. "Now we are alone again babe," he said, whispered it softly in his ear. "Moooh." said the cop. "Mooooh". How romantic it was. Dorian kissed his forehead and went inside, there to clean the coffee cups and cutlery from breakfast. But under the cup stuck something ... What was that? A note!

 

 

Call me!  
0-800-666-666

gay farmers, so very alone

xoxo

Cullen ♥


	2. No Corn - No Love!

Amazed Dorian looked at the note in his hand. Disgusting, brown paper. Written with a cheap pen, he could see that immediately. How could he dare to write a loveletter with that low quality?! "Pah," Dorian said, still grinning. "I'm just way too attractive. At least he tried." the dark-haired farmer said and crumpled the note before he threw it in the garbage. He'd definitely not keep that piece of paper. Besides that the letter was so cheap, he thought Cullen did it right. After all, Dorian was great. Grinning, the farmer started to clean his dishes. He looked at the clock. Oh! It was 3pm! He had to feed the animals! He stopped at made his way out.  
Once there, he thought about which animal he should feed first. The choice wasn't hard for him: He'd take care of his beloved bull first- He went to the big, red barn at the other end of the farm and took a large bucket full of corn, which he carried to the pasture on which his hungry bull waited greedily.  
Actually, the iron bull had an trough for his food. But while Dorian stood there and watched the bull, his knees got weak again. He wanted this bull, he wanted him so much! He was so terribly attractive! He thought about how he should start. He went on the pasture, put down the bucket and undressed himself, till he stand there, just wearing his blue underwear. Maybe he could attract the bull with a hand full of corn? By the way, do bulls eat popcorn? I guess yes, probably only salted.  
Dorian held out his hand, whistled loudly. "Hey Baby! Come here!" He shouted, holding out a hand full of yellow-gold colored corn. The Iron Bull looked at the attractive man. 'Mooh', thought the bull! How hot he looks! Well, he meant the corn. He quickly walked to the man, dragged his balls through a pile of straw. But why's there straw all over the place? He stopped in front of the man and stared at the corn in his hand. He licked his lips greedily. "Do you want the corn?" Dorian asked, winking at The Bull who nodded, almost drooled, because he wanted the corn. "Well, you have to get it." the dark-haired farmer said and emptied the whole hand corn directly into his pants. The bull followed the corn greedy, saw the small, golden-yellow grains fell directly into Dorian's pants. What should he do now?

The Bull didn't hesitate: He quickly let his tongue slide into the man's underwear, searched for the little corns everywhere. "Ooh yeah .. Keep it up .." the aroused farmer whispered, while his bull searched for the corn in every single corner of Dorian's pants. "More .." he whispered, panting, clinging to the horns of the almost perfect breeding bull. But just as Dorian started to enjoy the touching, the animal stopped and raised his head. "D-don't stop .." he whispered, but the Bull just licked up the mans body until he lost his interest. No Corn - No Love! Dorian sighed deeply. He bent down, picked up the bucket and poured the entire bucket over his nearly naked body. Then, he pulled down his underwear. He wanted freedom! Freedom and sex with the Bull, right now! The bull widened his eyes. How hot Dorian was, at least for a man. He licked the man's body along, because he tasted the corn. That made the Bull get very hot. He almost ignored the corn on the ground, just wanted to get the corn cores between Dorians legs. Dorian hold himself on the Bulls big horns and wished he'd take him now. The bull slowly licked down the mans shoulder blades, let his huge tongue slide over his chest and stomach. Dorian moaned, let himself fall back. Now he lay there in a heap of straw, we still don't know why it's there. The bull grinned, his owner was his now, the Bull was the owner right now and he liked that.  
The Bull licked up the mans body of course not without picking up a few corn cores. Now the Iron Bull wanted to have sex with Dorian, like Dorian wanted sex with him. He was aroused.

"I want you .. Take me!" the dark-haired shouted at his bull. "I want you so much!" The Bull looked at his 'victim'. No. Dorian wasn't ready to feel his 60 centimeters. "Muh ... Moo, moo moh. Moh ..." he said, softly, before he moved away from him. He wanted Dorian too, but he couldn't. "W-what do you mean by Muh? You can't leave me right now!" Dorian was right. He couldn't just let him back that aroused! He was totally aroused by himself. No. Without waiting, the bull let his tongue slide around the aroused penis of his owner, Dorian rolled around in the straw. "More! More!" he shouted at the grey bull. He did as his owner asked. "Oh maker!" Dorian shouted, as he finally reached his climax. The bull grinned and licked up the man's sperm and a few grains of corn. His own arousment would be gone well in a few seconds. At least he's a cow.

"W-where are you going?" Dorian asked, who was covered with straw. "Moh mohou." the Bull said. "Don't leave me alone!" Dorian said, his voice was filled with desperation. Was the bull mad at him? "But I love you!" he shouted desperately. "Mooh moh, moh mooh. Moh mo? Mooh." The iron bulls words were wise. Dorian sighed. Yes. They would see each other tomorrow. Of course! This wasn't just an one-feed-stand. Tomorrow they'd do it again!  
Once Dorian had risen and dressed, he picked up the empty, dirty bucket. "Ciao, Ciao Baby!" the gay farmer shouted before he turned and walked toward the chicken and goose pen. The bull stared at the farmers ass. Soon, very soon he would take that ass!  
Once in the barn of the poultry he fed the chicken Vievienne, her chick Solas, which just hatched and the goose Cole. The father of the chick, Bastien died a few days ago and Vivienne was very sad. He sprinkled some food on the ground, looked how Cole, Vivienne and Solas ate. He thought about saying something, but Cole was faster. "Nack Nack!" said the goose with the hat. Dorian laughed. "Yes, I like you too." he replied and left the stable before he thought about telling Cole what happened. 

Once Dorian had then fed his goat and his horse, he went to the house to feed Blackwall and to make himself dinner. He thought about making himself a steak. But when he took the steak from the freezer, he had to think of the iron bull, so he put it back and made spaghetti with meat - pork. He ate, then washed all the dishes. And after that he took another, relaxing shower.

Half-naked - only in underwear the farmer sat down in his bed. He opened his laptop and logged in on his dating site 'Steakquisitor.com'. He'd searching for a partner for a long time. He had more then ten messages again. Men who want to sleep with him or horny dudes which wanted nudes. But one message was different. 'HorseLove34' was the user name of the man, and he wrote the following:

 

__**HorseLove34 (11:03pm 21/5/15)**  
Hey, you beautiful man!  
I've seen your profile a long time ago, MagicMustache88. I must say that I like what I seewhat! You have a very beautiful body and what you write in your profile.. You seem to fit to me! I wanted to ask if we might chat a little!  
xoxo  
HorseLove34 :-) 

 

"Wow, what a nice message!" Dorian said softly to himself and clicked on the profile of HorseLove34. Wow! Here was a picture of a man's body. Sporty, a bit hair on his stomach, light skin. Dorian's type! On his profile were many things, for example, his job. He was farmer, how perfect! No children, Non smoking, sporty - oh yes, he had seen that - and single, looking for a permanent partner! How wonderful. He exactly wanted what Dorian wanted too. So he decided to respond to his message.

 

__**MagicMustache88 (10:55pm 22/5/15)**  
Hello!  
Thank you for that message. ;) I think your profile is also very good. I'd love to write with you. How about if you tell me something about you?  
I look forward to your message!  
MagicMustache88 

 

He checked his message once more before he clicked on 'send'. Now he only had to wait - because HorseLove34 was online. While he waited, he got up and picked up a glass of wine - He always drank wine to relax. In addition, he lit at a red candle that smelled like cherries.

-pling- A new message. He opened it.

 

__**HorseLove34 (10:58pm 22/5/15)**  
Thank you for your answer! I thought you don't want to respond. Gladly you resonsed! I really want to get to know you! I ride a lot and I like to cook. I really love animals and may love.. dramatic films. What do you like to do? I would like to get to know you too.  
xoxo  
HorseLove34 

 

Oh, he likes dramatic films? Dorian loved dramatic films too. His favorite film was a drama! And cooking, Dorian liked cooking. 

 

_**MagicMustache88 (11:02pm 22/5/15)**  
That sounds very good! I also like dramas. My favorite movie is Brokeback Mountain by the way. And I'd say I'm a very good cook, and I also have pets. I have to say I like you! Do you have pets?_

_MagicMustache88_

 

After a while of writing Dorian decided to give the man his phone number. A few minutes later he received a message.

 

_(1:12am 23/5/15)_  
Hey you! That may seem a bit fast, but can I call you maybe? I'm getting a little lazy rn. ;-)  
xoxo 

_(1:18am 23/5/15)  
Yes of course. I'm curious about your voice. ;)_

Although Dorian had to think for a while, he agreed. No risk - no fun! In that moment his phone rang.

_"Hello?"_  
"Yeah, Hey! It's me. Horsefan."  
"Oh, it's great to hear your voice." 

'Wow, what an attractive voice!', Thought Dorian. He sounded nice, sensual.

 _"Thank you. Your voice is.. eh.. very nice too. I like it."_  
"Oh, don't be so shy Horse! Haha, thats cute. Ah, anyway, how are you?"  
"I'm fine. You're too..? Thanks for the compliment, I guess.. Mustache. Eh, it might sound stange, but would you tell me your name?"  
Damn, he was really cute! But Dorian liked to play with others. So he thought about something.

"Oh, why? Wouldn't it be nice when we play it a bit.. Mysteriously? Just call me Mustache, I'll continue to call you Horse. I like to call you horse. That makes the whole thing somewhat erotic .."  
Dorian chuckled when he said those words. He hadn't seen the man's face - and yet he thought hes cute. The man at the other end of the line was shy, stammered something to himself. Apparently he was overwhelmed by the romantic mood a little.

After about three hours phoning, romantic talk and a few glasses of wine, the men decided to go to sleep.

"That was a very nice night Mustache. Really. I thank you for it. Maybe we can talk tomorrow again?"  
"With pleasure."  
"If you want, I can send you a picture of my body ... That's what you wanted, right?"  
"That sounds nice. I'll send you one too. Sleep well and dream something beautiful."  
"You too Mustache. See you tomorrow."

Then the other man hung up and it was quiet again. Sighing Dorian put his mobile aside. But just as he decided to do that, it was vibrating. A picture message. He opened it. On the picture you could see a man. From the shoulder blades to his feet. In Underwear. The man wore red underpants. "Wow .." whispered Dorian. The man was very attractive. Dorian did the same. He photographed himself, however, on this image you could see his head. He clicked 'send'.  
A message arrived.

_(4:26am 23/5/15)  
... Dorian?_

What? How did he know his name? Another message arrived. A picture of the man's head. Blond, brown eyes, stubble... That was Cullen! That Cullen, which had left the note in his kitchen!

_(4:26am 23/5/15)  
Cullen? Oh God, this is kind of embarrassing! I've found your note. Although it was .. somewhat strange.. I'd like to get to know you. _

_(4:27am 23/5/15)  
Same here. You're my type. I'll text you tomorrow. See ya. :-*_

Wow, he was suddenly.. self-conscious! Ok, thought Dorian and put the phone aside. He blew out the candle and went to sleep. He dreamed of Cullen, horses and Texas.

For three days he had close contact with Cullen. Both phoned a several hours every day, wrote all the time. The Iron Bull noticed that Dorian behaved different. Maybe it was too much for him, the slight love-relationship they had. But he never thought that another man had mingled in the life of his owner.  
Dorian look into the bathroom mirror, sprayed himself with perfume. Cullen would be here in a few minutes! They had their first, real date today. Cullen had agreed to come over and help him with the animals. They also wanted to see a movie together and cook. He felt that his phone buzzed.

_(10:01am 26/5/15 )  
I'm there. :-)_

Dorian looked at his cell phone, smiling. He quickly went to the door, opened it. At the door he stood - Cullen. He wore a white shirt and jeans, his cheap straw hat. In his hand he held a red rose. "I .. Hey." he said, smiling shyly. Dorian hugged the man who gave him the rose after that. "Thank you sir." he said, grinning. He beard him in, Cullen accepted the invitation and went inside. Dorian put the rose in a glass vase full of water, which he placed on the table. "Well, did you sleep well?" Dorian asked, as he turned to Cullen, who took off his hat. "I was excited. And you?" Cullen looked like a little kitten. That was sweet. "So I was. But I was able to sleep." he said. Cullen sat down one of the chairs, as well as Dorian did. Again the men talked.

The two men spent the day to feed the animals, petting them. They began at the poultry, then they took care about the dog and ended up with the Bull. Dorian throw a bucket of corn in the feeding trough of the bull, which walked towards the two men, looked at them. Cullen took Dorians hand carefully - Dorian held this hand. That was the first tender moment the two men had together. The Bull didn't liked that. "Moooooow." he shouted, angry. Cullen let go of Dorian's hand, looked at the Bull, then at Dorian. "I think he doesn't like me." said the blonde. He sounded disappointed. "Oh nonsense! He's just shy." Dorian said, although he knew exactly how the Iron Bull sounded when he was angry or jealous and how he acted if he don't like someone. Dorian smiled encouragingly, put a hand on Cullen's back and led him toward the barn, not without giving the Bull a poisoned gaze.

"We can bring new straw to the poultrys," Dorian said. "Could we." Cullen said, before he took a handful of straw and threw it on Dorian. He chuckled, rubbing his hands clean. Dorian raised an eyebrow and - he did exactly the same. The two had a straw-battle, laughed and grinned. Then Dorian took a handful of straw, put it into the shirt of blond man, which turned around and threw himself on Dorian. Now Cullen lay on Dorian. Both men laughed before Dorian put his hand on the back of the other. The laughter of the two silent, Dorian put his hand slowly to the head of the other. The eyes of the men crossed and Dorian was lost in the hazel eyes of the horsesfan. Cautiously Cullen approached Dorian before their lips were almost touching. Dorian closed his eyes. Normally, he was the leading one. But now, he wanted to get kissed by this almost perfect man!


End file.
